Dating after divorce? Meet Second Firsts – the pleasure kit for starting again

Dating again after divorce can be exciting, terrifying, confusing and, occasionally, enough to make you seriously consider deleting every app on your phone and buying another houseplant instead.

But starting again also comes with one enormous advantage.

This time, you know yourself better.

And with HBO's new comedy Youth putting sex, dating and desire after divorce firmly on screen, we thought it was time someone created a pleasure bundle for people having a few second firsts of their own.

Meet Second Firsts

The Second Firsts Back-to-Dating Pleasure Kit is a collection of four approachable bedroom essentials chosen for people rediscovering sex, pleasure and dating after a long-term relationship.

No enormous mystery objects. No gadgets that appear to require their own app, firmware update and engineering degree. Just four different ways to start working out what you enjoy now. Because your tastes may have changed. Sex toys definitely have. And the good news is that exploring them can be considerably more fun than setting up another dating profile.

The first toy we've chosen is the Loving Joy Curved 5 Inch Silicone Dildo with Suction Cup.

Its smaller dimensions and tapered shape make it an unintimidating option for somebody returning to internal toys, while the curved shaft is designed for targeted G-spot stimulation. The suction cup also opens up hands-free play if and when you fancy getting more adventurous.

Then there's the Loving Joy 10 Function Clitoral Suction Vibrator, giving you the chance to discover one of the biggest developments in modern sex toys: focused clitoral suction stimulation.

We've also included the Tabooboo Under The Sheets Wand Vibrator. Wands are popular for a very good reason. They're versatile, powerful and can be used alone or with a partner without requiring an advanced degree in bedroom engineering.

Finally, there's a generous bottle of Loving Joy Slide Water-Based Lubricant.

Because whatever your age, whatever your relationship status and however experienced you are, good lube is never a bad idea.

Dating may have changed. You haven't expired.

The inspiration for Second Firsts came as HBO comedy Youth prepares to follow a 50-year-old divorcee trying to rediscover sex and love while dealing with the considerably less glamorous realities of everyday family life. The eight-part HBO series, created by and starring Sharon Horgan, premieres on September 20. It's a subject we don't think gets talked about enough.

Sexual confidence isn't something reserved for people in their twenties, and becoming single after a long relationship doesn't mean you're supposed to instantly know how modern dating works. It is perfectly reasonable to feel like a beginner again. And frankly, beginners get to have all the fun of discovering things.

Sex toy expert Tammy says: experiment

We asked Tammy from SexToyReviews.uk for her advice for anyone beginning to explore their sexuality again after a long relationship. She said: “Starting to explore your sexuality after a long relationship can be daunting, but it can also be a lot of fun. “I'd try a couple of different types of stimulation and see what feels good to you now. My personal orgasm failsafe, the clitoral suction toy, barely existed a decade ago; if you've never tried one, you're in for a treat!

“A wand gives you broader external stimulation, while a small G-spot toy lets you explore internally and can be combined with clitoral stimulation if you fancy experimenting with blended orgasms. “And use the lube, even if you don't think you need it. It makes toys more comfortable, sex feel better and deserves a permanent place in the bedside drawer.”

Tammy's five rules for getting back in the game

Tammy also has some advice for anyone buying their first toy in years – or perhaps their first toy ever.

Make sure anything you buy is body-safe and comes from a reputable retailer. Good sex toy websites should clearly explain what a product is made from and how it works, making it easier to make an informed choice.

Don't be embarrassed about knowing what you want. Dating in your 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond can feel completely different because you've already done the bit where you're trying to impress everyone. This time, work out what makes you happy and what you're no longer willing to settle for.

That applies in the bedroom too. Understanding your own body and knowing what brings you pleasure can be incredibly empowering. It also makes it much easier to recognise when a partner is genuinely adding something to your life.

If you want to bring a toy into partnered sex, own it. Tammy says: “I've got something I really like, fancy trying it with me?” is enough.

And her assessment of anybody who objects is rather more direct: “Frankly, any man who isn't enthusiastic about your pleasure is a huge red flag and needs to be sent back to Tinder.”

Finally? Always use lube!

Tammy was particularly firm about that one.

You can discover more independent sex toy reviews and advice from Tammy at SexToyReviews.uk.

Your second first time can be better than your first

One of the nicer things about starting again is that you don't actually have to recreate your twenties.

You can skip the terrible decisions.

You can say what you want.

You can say what you absolutely do not want.

You can take your time.

And you can explore by yourself before anybody else gets an invitation. That's really what Second Firsts is about. The kit isn't promising to fix dating. Frankly, we're sex toy retailers, not miracle workers.

It's simply four approachable ways to rediscover what feels good, build a little confidence and perhaps learn something new about yourself along the way. Your first chapter finished. That doesn't mean the interesting bit did!